I was at school. A more japanese-styled school, but everyone were european. I was with an old friend, █████ in class.

I was me. A transgender girl, enjoying life. I was talking with others without fearing being hurt. I was opening up and letting out my opinions, feelings, and jokes without friction, without a single wall to stop me.

We then had PE and pool. No issues. People saw me for who I was and accepted me. Swimming, showering, showing the imperfect curve of my dream body.

Then, I woke up. That dream I just had, one I would give so much to be able to experience, vanished. The contrast of that dream with my ███ and ████████ life just destroyed me. From the kind and pretty t-girl enjoying school and people around her to a beached █████ struggling to even ██████, afraid of saying hi to a ████████, afraid of getting █████ to ███████, a ███████ unable to ███████ herself.

Sat down, had a breakdown. Cried, and I’m still crying. I don’t know what to do with such a cursed gift, brain.

Thank you for showing me what could have been. Fuck you for showing me what I will never have.

I ████ myself. I ████ my body, I ████ my reflection, I ████ my life, I ████ my home, I ████ my job.

No matter how much I ████ it, it will stay. No matter what I do, I’ll stay stuck.

“A monster crawling under stolen skin.” Even during a breakdown, you’re still here, huh? Caged with a negligent monster, what am I supposed to do to get better ?

P████ I wanna hear your voice. I need someone next to me, even if you remain silent.