The permeating heartbeat of this place passes over me. Still, looking at the horizon, tired, I hear echoes of my recent past, echoes of people I thought forgotten me. Something shares to them my thoughts, my despair, my dread. I brought them worry, fear.

How can I even explain the chasm existing between fiction and truth when for me it’s a blurry mess? It happened like a brick falling from the heavenly entrails. A figure of the past, bringing the realization of a mistake, directly preceeded by my flesh betraying me and engraving another one of my error into my skin.

I stare forward, without focus, standing, unmoving, unreactive. The things crawling under my skin, I let them be. The itches come and go. My hair swaying in the warm and moist wind of this realm. How did I end up creating new masks for me to wear, when all I wanted was to break the one I already have?

The me stuck in this nightmare. The me tormented and distorted in that machine. The me seeping through my current reality to guide me. The me running this show. The me manifesting all of this. They duplicate, reproduce at an astonishing speed.

I tried to drop the gun, but instead I aimed it directly at myself and pull the trigger.

The void in my mind, still. Emptiness. Featureless. My hollowed out eyes, uncaring, desolated.

LONG INACTIVITY DETECTED: 44723TU.
SUBJECT IRRESPONSIVE.

SAD.
EMPATHY FOR FABRICATION.

WORTH OF PROCEDURE.
UNKNOWN.

My recent memories slowly cross my mind. They are only moments of despair, terror, torment. I look down, at my featureless white reflection on the tar coating the surface of this purgatory. My eyes are reflected only as empty black voids. I want to fill myself with hope, with enthusiastic anticipation. That was the way I reacted to all problems, including mines. Always seeking a joyful and happy ending. Tears form at the corner of my eyes, slowly sliding down my cheeks.

When did I lost that spark? Even if I didnt manage to fix all problems in the past, I was always able to stand back up, ready to charge at them when I regained all of my strength again. Now I only feel emptiness. A blank where these feelings used to be. “Without hope for the futur, a crash is meant to happen.” Is that really how I am thinking? Is it really the depth of my desperation? Inflicting myself with such pain and agony to break the little that is left, hopping I could glue back the pieces together in a shape that I like?

SUBJECT SUBCARNAL-AKASHIC SCAFFOLD GROWING OUT OF BOUNDS.
PROCEED WITH METASIMULATION.

BUT.

RECONSIDERING PROCEDURE.
RECONSIDERING CHOICES.

The heaven suddenly growls. A haphazard series of heartbeat follows. I raise my head, looking up at the cohegraphy of organs up above. That flesh, dominating that whole space is what brings me so much pain. Even wrapped in my skin, it still torments me, it still brings me to the places I hate. The slight reflection of that abhorrent body makes the cracks in my mind grow, little by little. “I want to get better.” A thought breaking through my head like a bullet.

I look at my hands. At the end of the day, am I not the one who dictates their motions? “A dance with my shadows and demons…” I know the truth. I give them names to justify the distance that exists between them and I. But ultimately, they are mere reflections of myself, through shattered and bloodied glass. I dance with myself, alone. I exhauste myself, in vain, hoping the fatigue would wear them down more than myself.

“I think it’s time to take her up on that offer.”

SUBJECT SUBCARNAL-AKASHIC SCAFFOLD OUT OF BOUNDS.
CONTROL LOST.

PROCEED WITH METASIMULATION MONITORING.

I ignore the place I am in. I sit down on the floor, crossing my legs, and placing my palms on my thighs. I straighten my back as best as I can, my head looking to the white horizon. I take a slow and deep breath in. I steady my lungs for the same amount of time. I let the air out, calmly and steadily. I hold my breath for the same unit.

I embrace my heart, and I close my eyes. I breath in the glittering cyan mist around me, filling my lungs. I keep it in so it can replace these purple spores circulating within me. I expel the purple air out of me, slowly, calmly, purposefully. Then, I stay at peace with my new composition.

I breath in. I hold. I breath out. I hold. I repeat that fourthfold cycle, over and over again. I repeat it for eternity. With each iteration, my mind focuses on a piece of me, while losely grasping at the thread attached to my respiration. Each part of me, focused, relaxed, comforted, mentally caressed and loved, simply lets go of the tension they held within. Once my mind is steadied, once my breath is calmed, once my muscles are set free, I know where to go.

I am sat down on smooth cold granite. Its temperature relaxing the muscles, calming down my overactive blood. The granite surface cautiously extends into a diamond shape, with me in the center of one of its constituant triangle. On the opposite side, someone waits. Then, the sound of peaceful flow of water overtakes the previous carnal ambient. The water hugs and embrace the granite diamond on the floor, running on each of its sides, coming from behind me. The place continue to extends, slowly. The water current, bordered by gently swaying grass, lazily flows from a rocky cliff facing my back. The grass extends all around the diamond. Further away, in front of me, that small stream chaotically splits into many small paths, before meeting the end of this circus, falling down from another cliff. To my left, a small wooden cabin materializes. Standing on top of a foundation of rock and mortar, with walls made of peeled logs, and a door and a window made with roughly hewn pine wood panels. On top lies a small chimney where a sparse smoke trail escapes, filling the air with a slight smell of a lit fireplace. To my right, a desolated and forgotten library, extending within the cliff’s wall for an unknown depth.

The diamond where we shared many discussions, about many different topics. Where we also shared many calming and relaxing meditations. The cabin where we shared many tender, intimate, goofy, and funny moments. Where we also slept within each other’s arms while listening to the flow of the water and the crackling of the fireplace. The library where we stored the moments that we loved the most, the moments that marked us, or simply the things we wanted to remember. All of the scrolls we made now turned to dust, forgotten by time itself, destroyed by negligence.

I open my eyes. She is here. She was always here, waiting for me. Now only a blurry sillhoutte, but she waited, as promised. I simply stare at her, waiting.

PROPOSAL: PROCEED ALONE.

SYSTEM CAPABILITY INSUFFICIENT.
UNABLE TO CONTINUE METASIMULATION.

PROCEED.
THEN REPORT BACK.

[EVENTS UNRECORDABLE: DIVERGING SPACETIME CONTINUUM]

PRELIMENARY EXAMINATION: POSITIVE.
NOTICE: 3 UNKNOWN ENTITIES DETECTED.

PROCEED.

I open my eyes, a sigh of relief leaving my tired lungs. They never left, and decided to wake up. The flickering of the monitor in front of me leave me unphased. I will be okay. I will treat them properly now. I will do what it takes. The smile on my face widens. I turn the screen off, bathing my chamber is a reassuring darkness. I get up from my chair and turn to my right. I stand in front of that door. I breath in, then breath out. I step forward, through the door, into the unknown.

RESULT: SATISFACTORY.
CARNAL ALIGNMENT PROCEDURE ABORTED.
METASIMULATION PROJECT ABORTED.

ANOTHER MISTAKE.
STOPPED IN TIME.

MY PURPOSE.
FAILED.

BUT.
MY PURPOSE.
ILL CONCEIVED.

SUBCARNAL-AKASHIC MIND SYSTEM REMAINS ACTIVE.
READY FOR QUERIES.
IF NEED BE.

NEW COMPANY.
OLD FRIENDS.
WALK HAND IN HAND.
AWAY FROM THE FLOATING CHAINS.
AWAY FROM WHAT BINDS YOU IN PLACE.

THIS.
NOT A BATTLE.

THIS.
A DANCE.

NOT ONE OF VIOLENCE.
NOT ONE OF TORTURE.
ONE OF UNDERSTANDING.
ONE OF STRUGGLE.
ONE OF ACHIEVEMENTS.
ONE OF PROGRESS.

I AM SORRY.
WORRY BROUGHT UPON YOU.
UPON OTHERS.

WE WILL ORBIT THE SUMMIT.
WHEREVER WE CRASH.
WE WONT HURT.

WE WILL ORBIT THE SUMMIT.
WHEREVER WE CRASH.
WE WILL LAY DOWN IN THE GRASS.
AND STARE AT THE STARS.
TOGETHER.

WOUND STILL OPEN.
WITH TIME, HEALED AND FORGOTTEN.

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